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LOVE - A BARRIER AGAINST VICE
| "The great tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love." -W. Somerset Maugham |
1874-1965 |
True love is devoid of selfishness and human ego; it is an absolute barrier against vice. We could never bring harm to one we truly love no matter what the circumstances, nor could we allow others to harm our loved ones if it was within our power to prevent.
A sure way to exclude ourselves from the operation of love’s law is to mistreat one of God’s children, each of whom is precious and priceless to God, and each of whom He loves equally. Thomas Jefferson, third President of the United States and a slave owner, said: “I tremble, when I remember that God is just”.
While the circumstances of our birth and education may place us into positions of advantage or disadvantage, nonetheless, spiritually speaking, all men and women on earth are "created equal" and are the very “image and likeness of God”. It would be impossible for one who loves God to even contemplate the notion of committing mass murder or genocide.
Love is an absolute barrier against greed. One who loves takes no pleasure in possessing things for himself alone. Human possessions only attain real value when shared, and since true love always returns more than is given, “the more we give it away, the more it keeps coming back to us, with interest”.
When we love, we want those we love to benefit from our labors. We often work only to make that possible, and we are proud when we are able to give our loved ones, especially our children, things that delight them or that they could not otherwise possess.
Love has caused empires to rise and its departure has caused empires to fall. Although indiscernible through our five senses, every person in the world is aware when love is present and when it isn’t. We need only look deep within our own hearts; that is the only place where it can be found.
When we truly love another human being, a piece of heaven descends upon our lives. We are all capable of feeling unselfish love for others. That is one of the great treasures of life which we can only find when we freely give it away; and which only grows when we truly care about another.
| “What is a friend? it’s a single soul dwelling in two bodies.” - Aristotle |
384-322 BC |
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LOVE IS KIND
“Love supports the struggling heart”
At some time, during everybody’s lifetime, we all feel alone; and we question why whatever we are trying to achieve seems to be failing, and why everything we hold dear appears to be falling apart? In the words of Rocky Balboa, in the movie Rocky III, we wonder: “how did everything so good get so bad?”
It is easy to succumb to feelings of depression when our dreams suffer defeat, a loved one leaves us forever, our friends abandon us, our business collapses or our health and future are, for one reason or another, unclear. That is a time when every person in the world really appreciates words of kindness from someone who requires nothing in return, but gives us whatever is needed for as long as it is needed.
When someone is broken hearted and doesn’t know where to turn, at that moment an opportunity exists in which we have the power to extend a hand of friendship. Right then is a moment in time during which lifelong friendships are forged.
Whenever we observe such a moment, we should seize the opportunity, stop what we are doing, and make it our business to become available - just to listen, or to help if we can.
Love, shared with a struggling heart in a moment of their despair, is never forgotten. If we truly appreciate the opportunity with which we have been presented, we will prove ourselves worthy. Acts of kindness, expressed at such moments, are clearly more deeply felt and appreciated than at any other time during our lifetimes; and an act of kindness, expressed at such a moment of vulnerability, is long remembered.
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DAILY KINDNESS
Making it our business to commit
at least one overt act of kindness towards somebody every single day of our lives,
will greatly increase the love in our lives.
Those acts don't have
to be momentous, they can be small things; a smile, a kind word, a helping
hand, a compliment, a willing ear, a word of encouragement, expressions
of support, etc.; all acts which will make somebody’s life
better, and are acts well within our capacity to achieve, every single
day. The only thing it takes is awareness and a willingness to do so.
Being willing to do so
will enrich our lives beyond our wildest imaginations. Committing overt acts
of kindness towards others will make us feel so good about ourselves,
that we’ll begin to seek out new ways to make such things happen and look
forward to their effects. In the process, we will be the ones
getting rich.
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SPEAK KINDLY TO ONE WHO HAS TREATED YOU BADLY
In order to speak kindly to one who has
treated us badly, what must we do? We must forgive. And who is benefited
most by forgiving? Of course, - it is us.
It might appear to some like we are conceding
to a person who has acted like a real jerk, but in reality, we’re
not doing it for them, we’re doing it to free ourselves from living
with bad feelings. We are cleansing our thoughts.
Loving others improves our lives; and the one sure way to cleanse our
thoughts of resentment is to pick out the very person who has made our lives
the most miserable, and treat him or her with a respect they don’t
deserve.
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MAKE SOMEBODY FEEL IMPORTANT
Dale Carnegie 1888-1955 |
“There is one all-important law
of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into
trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends
and constant happiness… The law is this: always make the other person
feel important – and do it sincerely.” Dale Carnegie
Here’s advice from a man who made a fortune teaching people “How
To Win Friends And Influence People”. One of the most important
points of his book, which has sold more than 15 million copies, is to “make
other people feel important – and do it sincerely”. His promise
is, that this simple rule will bring us “countless friends and
constant happiness”. Isn’t that something we all really want?
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TREAT YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS KINDLY
Words of kindness to our family members
will always reap abundant rewards. Daily words of support and a happy
face will improve our lives more directly than almost anything else we
can do. An attitude of disapproval, and a sour face, will more often
than not, drive a wedge between those we love most in the world and
ourselves.
We all want the members of our family to love us (and if we don't, then our own sense of love is devoid of some of life's greatest treasures). Usually, we want them to prosper
and do well in life. In our anxiety to guide them, we sometimes become
insistent that they take advantage of our experience. We also sometimes
become frustrated when they fail to take our advice on issues about which
we are more knowledgeable.
The truth is, we may be right. We might really know what’s best.
But even small children only really learn by making their own mistakes;
and sometimes those closest to us, when they do not follow our advice,
wind up in a mess. Those are the very moments when words of kindness,
understanding, encouragement and a happy face are most appreciated.
They know they made a mistake by not following our advice and they know they’re in a mess; they don’t need us to point that out.
Making a family member feel low, in the hope of teaching him or her a
lesson, is more anger-driven or ego-driven, than love-motivated. Resist that temptation.
Support them. Make them feel better about themselves. “make (them)
feel important, – and do it sincerely”. Dale Carnegie Allow
them to learn from their mistakes without having to answer to you. We all make mistakes, after all -
isn't that how you got so smart?
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HELP A STRANGER
People we don't know, and with whom we
have no relationship whatsoever, are great subjects to include in our
efforts to love others unselfishly.
By committing an act of kindness
towards someone with whom we expect to have no future, we are practicing
the purest form of unselfish love.
The more we practice loving others,
the better we will become at it and the feeling of having unselfishly
helped another human being will make us feel good inside; it will enrich
our lives.
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AID THE HOMELESS
A person who is homeless is a person
without hope. Homeless people have been rejected so often during their lifetimes, that they no
longer believe they can succeed at anything they try. So they often begin
to reject society back, to their own detriment.
Imagine what a mental state you would have to be in to give up a place
to lay your head at night and a place to clean, dress, and feed yourself.
A person will usually fight for those things with their very last ounce
of strength. When someone has given up that fight, they have truly lost
all hope and they are desperate. Don't let their moments of bravado,
or their rejection of your good intentions, overshadow your understanding
that someone who is homeless is truly in need of help, and they truly
appreciate your kind words, thoughts and actions, regardless of how they might immediately react.
Allowing a homeless person to reside in or around your home, however,
could subject you to the ramifications inherent in their desperate frame
of mind. Homeless people, of necessity, have learned to live by their
wits.
Before you ever got there, the very person you wish to befriend may
have developed bad habits that are not overtly apparent, and their current
sense of scruples may be entirely different than your own. Organized
shelters are there to provide that kind of help. Please think twice before
exposing your home in that way. It is usually not a good idea. Remember,
that the homeless have learned to live by their wits, so do not be rushed
or bullied into such a decision. Err on the side of caution. Should you
decide to allow a homeless person to reside in or around your home, then please provide ample protections
for yourself and your family (good locks on the inside of your doors
and windows, and a dead bolt on the doors leading to where you all sleep
at night, etc.).
The only way you can really help a homeless person is to help them envision
a way to work out of their problems through their own efforts. Only one
who is so motivated will escape the homeless syndrome. You can help,
and even become part of the process, but their journey is theirs alone
and progress must be made through their efforts, not yours alone.
You can share a vision with one who has no vision. You can express appreciation
for the good qualities you see in them, for make no mistake, homeless
people often have many good qualities and ample appreciation for their
good qualities has long been missing from their lives. Appreciation goes
a long way towards helping the homeless regain that lost feeling of “hope”.
Homeless people need to find a direction they believe will work. They
need to feel useful and they need to feel appreciated. Their work ethic
may not immediately meet normal standards. It’s easy to feel that
they should just “go get a job”, but they may not initially
be able to look right, or smell right, to hold a normal job. They may
not be able to work a full 8 hours at one time, or always show up exactly
when scheduled, but they usually want to work, will appreciate the opportunity
to work, and will also appreciate it very much if you pay them well for
their efforts. Paying a homeless person well makes them feel that they
have value. It gives them a sense of achievement - personal accomplishment.
It makes them “feel important”.
How they use their money cannot be a concern of the giver. A homeless
person lives in a world we cannot imagine. For them to work their way
out of that world, they need to achieve small goals. They need to have
positive experiences, from their perspective. Then they will begin to
believe they can achieve larger goals until, step-by-step, their expectations
will approach normal behavior.
We help the homeless most by helping them
find their lost sense of hope. Helping a homeless person stand on his
or her own feet, and walk under
his or her own power, could prove to be an everlasting gift. That doesn’t
always take a lot of money. Sometimes it just involves a little understanding
and being a friend.
Picking out a homeless person to help is a worthy project, if approached
with caution.
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MAKE AN EFFORT TO DO NICE THINGS FOR YOUR FAMILY
In order to love, we must reject negative
ideas and make a conscientious effort to think loving thoughts. Expressions
of love will follow.
If we make a list of all the things we are grateful for and the things
that we love about the members of our family, (taking care to leave all
the things we dislike off the list), we will soon see that there are
many things about our families for which we can show sincere appreciation.
We can add to that list every single day. Loving our families also involves
giving up fears, our bad thoughts, and resisting the temptation to be overly
demanding, critical or dominating.
As we have made it our business to find things to please ourselves every
day, so we should make it our business to think of things that will please
other members of our family, individually, and as a group. Then we must
go out of our way to make those things happen. Often they are small things, – usually
they are small things, but if we put our minds to it, we’ll find
just the right ways to please those who we love (or should love) most
in the world, and we will soon be pleasing them on a regular basis.
Watch the effect these simple acts will have on the group as a whole.
Soon you will find other family members appreciating your efforts, following
your example and reciprocating.
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DO NICE THINGS FOR YOURSELF
Doing nice things for ourselves every
day, as well as others, will make our lives more pleasant. This is not
selfish, it is rewarding. In addition to doing good things for others,
we should also reserve a few moments each day just to give ourselves a special
treat. Take a walk, enjoy the scenery, eat something we especially like,
take a hot bath in a tub (use bubble bath), read a book, listen to music,
watch a special TV show, call an old friend, etc. To think properly about
ourselves, we must start by treating ourselves with the same respect
we would like to experience from others. How we think about ourselves
sets the standard for others. “Expectation speeds our progress”.
We alone determine our worth. Don't fall into the trap of believing
that in order to be unselfish, you must give up every good thing you have, and give
all of your treasures to others. We have needs too. It is a false sense of humility that
suggests that caring for our own needs is selfish. We are all worthy
of good things.
Loving others unselfishly provides life's greatest rewards, but our love
is not complete if we do not include ourselves on the list.
If we expect to experience good things, we will experience good things.
We need to give some portion of our daily attention to making good things
happen for ourselves, as well as others, without entertaining any feelings
of guilt.
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TREATING OUR FRIENDS IN A LOVING WAY
Loving our friends means loving all of
those with whom we have a relationship. That can be those within our
Church, Temple, or Mosque, etc.; our sewing club, our bridge club, our Country
club, our business associates, people we meet at the pool, our children’s
friends, people we meet walking our dog, our widest and our closest circles
of acquaintences, - however we are associated. Good friends make our lives
more rewarding.
Expanding our efforts to love all of the people with whom we have contact
will enrich our friendships. We should extend the same type of thought
and energy that we applied towards loving ourselves and our families,
towards loving our friends and making their lives more pleasant. Try
to think of things to do for them that would never occur to others.
When
we extend ourselves beyond the range of things we would normally do,
just to honor somebody else and make them happy, we’ll soon
be happily surprised when we begin to see all of that love, and more, coming right back
towards us, in one form or another. But our true reward
will be in how, extending ouselves, makes us feel inside.
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COMMUNITY SERVICE
We live daily with what happens within
our own communities, and what happens there is within our control. Getting
educated and involved in governing our own areas, and making our own
neighborhoods better places to live, will result in more harmony within
our immediate communities.
All of those with whom we come into daily contact will be benefited
by our interest and our efforts towards making our own neighborhoods
better places to live. Find the proper forum, such as your Town Council,
or your Community Board, or neighbors just talking over the fence. Do
not fail to speak out against foolish or improper regulations, or leave
the job of cleaning up trash or blighted areas to others, when it is
within your ability to achieve. If you observe illegal activities, find
a way to oppose them, and expose them to law enforcement, etc. Failure
to take such action merely puts the pleasantness and safety of your surroundings
into somebody else's hands.
Most of the time, likeminded people, who see our commitment and our
efforts, will support our good works, and help. But remember, that we
are only responsible for how we think and act, not how anybody else thinks
or acts. When we do our part, our real reward lies in making our communities
better places to live.
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INITIATE A PROJECT
A project is defined as: any activity
that has as its objective, making life better for somebody else. Examples: Habitat for Humanity, helping to build a house for someone in need, working
in a soup kitchen, supporting a shelter for battered women, helping a
talented student pay his or her tuition, raising funds for a child that
needs an operation, helping a widow with too many mouths to feed, sending
aid to Africa, picking out a family who needs assistance, creating a
committee to help them, and following their progress over the years.
Support a struggling artist, support a missionary project, etc.
If you ask your religious leader to provide a worthy cause, you may
be surprised at how many opportunities he or she will be able to suggest,
and if none of those ideas suit your fancy, “WOL” will be
glad to help you initiate a project that matches your interests.
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